Category: pastor’s wife life

“I’m Going to Your House Today!”

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When we were children, friendship and community seemed easier, didn’t it? We were in school together, when you had a deskmate or someone who shared your seat on the bus, 8 year olds could be pretty simple. (Well, at least when I was an 8 year old, life was simpler – not sure if it’s simple for the 8 year old in 2025!). However, as adults, we have to make more of an effort.  Godly friendship doesn’t happen by accident!

One of my friends and I laugh often about how we became close.  She had moved to a new city, and I thought, “she needs me” – so I called her up and said, “Hey!  I’m coming to sleep over at your house!” I called another friend and said, “Hey – we are going to a sleepover!  Get packed!” LOL!  Today, we are still BFFs, and we still laugh about that story!  

You might be thinking, “I could never!”. I know – it sounds embarrassing, but this is not without precedent. You know who did this way before I did?  

“When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, ‘Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.”  So Zacchaeus came down at once and welcomed Jesus gladly.” Luke 19:5-6 NIV

(Anyone else singing the children’s song in your head right now?  “Zacchaeus, you come down!  For I’m going to your house today! I’m going to your house today!”)

To be honest, at the moment of that phone call when I invited myself over, we weren’t really that kind of friends yet. The Holy Spirit, in His kindness, allowed me to see a need – and it turns out that it was a need I had in my life too.  The result is one of my most treasured friendships!

Okay, so you don’t have to cold-call people to get friends, LOL!  However, the faith journey should not be a solo one.  God’s idea is for us to be in families and in community – He was the one who said, “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). The enemy of your soul wants you isolated – don’t fall into that trap.  

A few tips for you:

  • Be Vulnerable: Let others see the real you. Friendship grows in the soil of authenticity.
  • Make Time: Busy-ness is one of the greatest threats to community. Prioritize people over productivity.
  • Pray Together: Shared prayer deepens bonds like nothing else. Make prayer a regular part of your friendships.
  • Speak Life: Be generous with encouragement, grace, and affirmation.
  • Pursue Reconciliation: Conflict is inevitable, but godly friendship chooses forgiveness over offense.

Friendship is not just emotional support—it’s a spiritual discipline. When we surround ourselves with godly companions, we position ourselves to hear God more clearly, walk more faithfully, and live more fully.

Don’t wait for friendship to find you. Sow seeds of intentionality, vulnerability, and prayer. Water them with consistency and grace. Trust that God, in His perfect timing, will surround you with the kind of friends who make you more like Him. I have found that this effort is worth it, and I have been blessed with godly friendships in my life. Today, I want to encourage you to make that investment! You will find it to be a treasure ❤ 

p.s. I’m continuing this discussion on the podcast this week! New episode will drop on Thursday. Subscribe on Youtube, Spotify or Apple Podcasts this week so we can connect again! Here’s the link tree so we can connect!

A Time for Every Purpose

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“To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born, And a time to die;
A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted

My husband recently stepped down from his pastorate of 17 years.  When we arrived, our children were 11, 11 and 9 years old. This church has seen us raising young children, they were there when they got their first cars. They saw our children off to college, saw them married…. They were with Michael and I when we became “empty-nesters”.  They were with us when we lost a parent. They were with us when we became grandparents.  We were together through CoVid (it has to be said, it was such an epoch for all of us, right?). We were with them for the same seasons of their lives.  Births, weddings, healings, funerals…. Michael likes to call it the “hatching, patching, matching and dispatching”, and I smile every time he says it this way.  So true.  Comfort in that continuity of life.  Comfort in the people who became ours during these years.  Comfort in the faithfulness of the Lord through it all.

A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;

A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;

Professionally, lots of life as well.  This church was small when we came, hurting. Lots of debt.  Lots of past due bills.  Lots of weeks wondering if we would make the power bill, let alone payroll. We dug deep and trusted God – we remembered that He loved His church more than we did, and we became confident again. (And again. And again.  Some prayers are not a “one and done” – sometimes you have to press in and press in and press in….). Slow and steady, change came.  People came. Finances came.  Power bills and payroll were no longer a worry.  The church became debt free and healthy. Long hours and sleepless nights, sweat and tears, and those people who were ours stood with us and worked with us. We rejoiced in the blessing of obedience together, realizing this was truly a “look what the Lord has done” season.

A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;

A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;

A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war,
And a time of peace.

To be honest, when Michael decided on a new adventure, I wanted to hang on to the old. I couldn’t imagine anything better than the place we were at – the place we had worked so hard to arrive at. It sounds so easy and neatly packaged into the two paragraphs above – it wasn’t! However, I remembered God’s faithfulness in past moves. We had served churches before and moved before. I remembered that as the Lord is preparing us for a new adventure, He is also simultaneously preparing our church family for a new adventure, simultaneously preparing their next pastor for a new adventure, and so on.  

What profit has the worker from that in which he labors? I have seen the God-given task with which the sons of men are to be occupied. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.

I know that nothing is better for them than to rejoice, and to do good in their lives, and also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor—it is the gift of God.

I rejoiced in today, this specific day: I realized that we were ending in a time to gain, a time to keep, a time to sew, a time to love, and a time of peace. We had experienced the valleys and hardships, and God in His great generosity and kindness was allowing us to end on the mountaintop. From this viewpoint, we could see that this “time to sew” resulted in a beautiful tapestry, a legacy that will last in our hearts forever. 

I know that whatever God does,
It shall be forever.
Nothing can be added to it,
And nothing taken from it.
God does it, that men should fear before Him.

Peoples Church, you were a gift to me from the Lord, to be held lightly in an open hand. God did it, and we honor Him in the work. Today, you are the treasure. Thank you ❤

That which is has already been,
And what is to be has already been;
And God requires an account of what is past.”

Ecclesiastes 3 NKJV

Friend, let’s come together again next week! I’m excited to connect with you in this way again!

Are you confessing it in faith?

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Thank you for sharing, Brian – what a valuable reminder!

Brian Ballance's avatarBrian's blog

CONFESSING IT IN FAITH:

When I was a young child I hated it when I would ask for something and I was told no. Before asking my parents for something I would say over and over again, “please say yes, please say yes, please say yes”. Or, I would say, “it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen”. No matter what it was I always tried to believe it would come true. Sometimes it would. Sometimes it wouldn’t. Even at a young age I felt if I believed hard enough it would come true.

Over the years I noticed that things didn’t come true as I wanted them too. As I was struggling with this the Lord spoke to me. He shared with me that, I was standing on my word and wants, not His. By standing on my own words or wants I’m always gonna be disappointed. Scripture…

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thank you to my people :)

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The first piece of advice I received upon entering ministry was “you can’t trust anyone anymore – these people want to pick you for information, and when your husband makes them angry, they’ll use it and turn on your family.”  Welcome to the ministry? I wasn’t the only who received this advice – a few years later, a friend became engaged to a pastor and she got the same speech. She sidled up next to me at the restaurant table that evening and said, “Missy, I already heard that I can’t have friends anymore.  Well, guess what? You and me, we’re best friends now!” I was so grateful to her and I smile (and laugh) every time I think of that evening!

I laugh when I think of that advice, too.  It was well-intentioned, I have no doubt AT ALL – I have just found that it isn’t true.  Not for me, anyway. “These people” are not these people – they are my people. Over the past 23+ years, “these people” have been my closest friends, and I have been blessed by letting them in.

my front row seat

I like to take notes, have my Bible and journal handy. After all, I’m in the School Of Christian Living and I want to study to show myself approved! 🙂

I like it like this, this living heart open.

Of course, when you live heart open, it follows that you may at times be heart broken.  It’s okay.  It’s life, and we have a comfort from the Lord:

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

   You have recorded each one in your book….

   This I know: God is on my side! I praise God for what He has promised;

   yes, I praise the Lord for what He has promised” (Psalm 56:8-10 NLT)

And we have this:

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord,

And He delights in his way” (Psalm 37:23)

It doesn’t seem like those two go together here, but stick with me – they do!  If your steps are ordered by the Lord, you are exactly where He would have you, and you are exactly with the people that He ordered alongside of you too – and it is delightful!  If you are heart open or heart broken, God is collecting your tears, your sorrow is not for nothing. He has placed people around you (a dear one told me yesterday: “sometimes we need Jesus with skin on” and oh, wasn’t she just that to me?  You know those times – God is on your side, but it’s nice to have one of His children alongside too).

While we’re visiting and vulnerable, want to know something else? I try not to cry in front of my church, I don’t know why.  But some days…. Well, some days I can’t help it (this wasn’t the first time, sorry!). You know what I do? It’s so silly. I take a deep breath and I greet everyone like usual: “How are you?  Oh me? I’m so good too!” and smile and walk around as if nothing. Sometimes, not often but sometimes, I sit down and put my head on a dear prayer warrior’s shoulder and cry openly.  I tell her: “I can’t talk about it, I have these people to protect, but will you pray for me?” and she does right that very moment and she reminds me of the faithfulness of God and my faith comes by hearing and hearing her voice (Romans 10:17) and I’m strengthened. I’m blessed.  I have a handful of tissues or napkins on the front row. As I’m facing the people on the stage, I’m bawling my eyes out, sometimes shoulders shaking from the trying to stop it, sometimes closing my lips tight to try and hold in a sob. Sometimes the band notices me and sometimes they don’t. When Michael says, “turn and greet your neighbor”, I dry up and turn around and smile, as if no one in the sanctuary has seen me.  I pretend no one saw me rush out to grab another handful of tissues because I used up the ones I had a few minutes ago. Sometimes no one did notice, thankfully. Sometimes I get a “you okay?” text from the back row, thankfully. Both are mercies. Sometimes they all noticed, and they all prayed.  They remember when their heart was broken and I prayed for them.

They aren’t just “these people”, they are my people and I love them.  

Thank you, People’s Church of Winter Haven – not every pastor’s wife is afforded the luxury of being herself, like I am with y’all.  Masks off, truth between us, hearts open. Each of you are my treasure, and continually in my prayers ❤

Rejoice for your steps are ordered by God, my friend. Whatever your situation, don’t be afraid to let people in.  The occasional hurt is most certainly worth the continual community – and there’s your treasure!  Praying you will recognize it and reach out to those whose steps are ordered to be around you –

Jennifer 🙂

 

 

that’s ’cause you’re the pastor’s wife :)

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I never actually hear anyone saying these words: “well, that’s ’cause you’re the pastor’s wife” – yet at the same time, I always hear everyone saying these words: “well, that’s ’cause you’re the pastor’s wife”.  I’ll explain 🙂

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Certain expectations are made of me because I’m the pastor’s wife – and that’s an observation, not a complaint! The design was not to be the pastor’s wife – the design was to be Michael’s wife, but the two came together and it’s been a pretty neat package deal!  My life isn’t without the usual (and sometimes unusual) set of struggles, but it’s pretty happy overall!  I’m rambling – sorry!  Getting back to it –

Sometimes when I speak (whether from the pulpit or in conversation), I sense people thinking: “well, she has to say that – she’s the pastor’s wife” or “well, she has to read her Bible every day – she’s the pastor’s wife” or “well, she can’t cuss because she’s the pastor’s wife” or “well, she is supposed to” or “she could never because” fill-in-the-blank-with-your-own-expectation-here.  That comes along with the territory.  Everyone has certain expectations made of them – the doctor, the lawyer, the teacher, the garbage collector, it doesn’t matter what position one holds.  However, expectations can dangerous.

The truth is, I don’t “cuss” – but it’s not because I’m the pastor’s wife.  I don’t cuss because I’m a disciple of Christ, and the Bible says that “dirty stories, foul talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, remind each other of God’s goodness, and be thankful” (Ephesians 5:4 TLB). The truth is I do have to read my Bible everyday, but it’s not because I’m the pastor’s wife. I have to read my Bible every day because I actually have to – it’s my lifeline, it’s where I find instruction and my identity and my healing.  Jesus was right when He said, “the Scriptures tell us that bread won’t feed men’s souls: obedience to every word of God is what we need” (Matthew 4:4).  What came to your mind when I said fill-in-the-blank?  Yeah, I probably don’t do that either – but want to know something else?  Maybe you shouldn’t do these things either. (sorry – did I write that out loud?)

You see, it isn’t people’s expectations of me that keep me faithful to God.  It’s God’s expectations of me that keep me faithful to God.  The Bible didn’t offer different sets of rules for different types of people – there isn’t a rulebook for the pastor’s wife and a separate rulebook for the lawyer and a separate rulebook for the garbage collector and a separate rulebook for the stay-at-home-mom or any other fill-in-the-blank-that-describes-you-here.  The rules are the same for all of us. The Bible says, “he who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.” (1 John 2:6 NKJV).

Just as He walked. Just is an adverb here, a descriptive word describing the action word walk. You know what just means, but let’s say it out loud anyway: exactly, precisely, absolutely, completely, totally, entirely, perfectly, utterly, wholly, thoroughly, in all respects the same. Anyone (the pastor’s wife, the teacher, the doctor, the cashier) who says they follow Jesus ought to do life just as He did. That doesn’t make it easy, but it does make it simple – much simpler to understand and to follow than a different set of rules for every individual.

Sometimes I miss it (lots of times, to be honest), but just like everyone else, I’m trying my best.  Not because I’m the pastor’s wife, but because I am His child.

St. Augustine is quoted as saying, “ let the root of love be within, of this root can nothing spring but what is good.” Let the root of love be within you, no matter what your position is. Realizing that you don’t have to live up to the expectations of people – that’s a relief. Realizing that it’s possible to live up to the expectations that God has of you – that’s a treasure. All He wants is for you to be His and accept His love.  Praying you will live in this freedom today!

Jennifer 🙂

 

the wounds of a friend are faithful :)

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Right now, I’m reading the book of Job, so friendship is on my mind quite a bit.  I know it’s strange to say, but Job really is one of my favorites. 🙂 I was thinking this morning about how LONG the dialogue between Job and his friends continued.  Maybe I should rephrase: Job allowed his friends’ diatribe against him to go on for a really long time (chapters and chapters and chapters!).  Not sure I would have sat there for that (I would have struggled, I’m sorry to admit!). However, Job didn’t end the relationship with his friends.  Since he allowed them a front row seat to his troubles, they also had a front row seat to his restoration.  What a gift it must have been, to be able to see that season come full circle.

Job could have left his friends at their first criticism and no one would have blamed him. But he stayed.  Because we often don’t know how to handle confrontation, we often run at the first cross word.  However, this is oftentimes a wrong response.  Here’s my balancing comment: for the next little bit, please understand that I am talking about close friendships with like-minded people.

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A true friend is someone who should have the earned privilege of speaking truth into your life – and you should have the earned privilege of speaking truth into theirs.  Relationship gives you the opportunity to let “iron sharpen iron” (Proverbs 27:17), a mutual benefit to godly relationship.  King David insists that correction from a friend is a kindness: “Let the righteous strike me; it shall be a kindness. Let him rebuke me; it shall be as excellent oil; let my head not refuse it” (Psalm 141:5).  There are times when correction is necessary, even helpful.  David even considered correction an act of loyalty. There are times when friends disagree – and that’s okay.  As the pastor’s wife in our church, I watch it happen time and again: friends disagree, and rather than hanging in there together, they allow a difference of opinion to drive a wedge.  Couldn’t you have a difference of opinion, discuss, continue to respect each other, and continue to move forward? Most of the time we can; but most of the time we don’t.

Grace is required to give godly correction – even more grace is required to receive godly correction. By allowing a wedge form over a correction, you are also cutting yourself off from the wisdom and opportunities for growth that the Lord means for your godly friendship.  The Bible says that “the wounds of a friend are faithful” (Proverbs 27:6), meaning that truth from a friend is to be desired, even if it hurts at first.

You cannot be EFFECTIVE in relationships without being AFFECTED. Feel all the feels – but don’t let a godly relationship (and the growth that can come from it) end unnecessarily. Don’t shy away from relationships, using confrontation as an excuse.

Learning that you can go through it and grow through it together is a treasure, I’m praying that you have and maintain these kind of blessing friendships in your life ❤

p.s. Job’s friends are a whole ‘nother story – let’s visit about them next week and get a little balance to this conversation! See you next Monday!

Jennifer 🙂

 

 

 

seven about love: #6

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“But even though we were dead in our sins
God, who is rich in mercy, because of the great love he had for us,
gave us life together with Christ—
it is, remember, by grace and not by achievement that you are saved—
and has lifted us right out of the old life to take our place with Him in Christ in the Heavens.
Thus He shows for all time the tremendous generosity of the grace and kindness
He has expressed towards us in Christ Jesus.
It was nothing you could or did achieve—it was God’s gift to you.
No one can pride himself upon earning the love of God.”
Ephesians 2:4-5 Phillips

mercy

God’s love is a gift – freely offered, freely given. Even though you know this in your heart, do you ever have a hard time convincing your head? Do you ever find yourself trying to be “good enough” or “worthy” of God’s attention? It’s exhausting, isn’t it? You don’t have to prove yourself to Him – you are already His. The Lord is not above us, waiting for reasons to reward or punish us – He is right here with us, loving us exactly where we are. Imagine giving a gift to your child, and having the response be, “I’ll just put this on the shelf until I’m good enough to open it.” That would hurt your heart, wouldn’t it? You might wonder why they don’t feel “good enough” already!

Your Heavenly Father has “lifted you right out of the old life”. Maybe there are things in your past that make you feel “less than”. God lifted you out of all that, set you up on His great love. Let the past be the past. Christ has already been given for you and to you. You are already enough. You are already valuable and adorable and lovable and cherished. No need to try and earn it: all we have to do is live in the fullness of His love!

We don’t follow the Lord’s direction and try our best so we can BECOME worthy of His love – we follow the Lord’s direction and try our best because we already ARE worthy of His love.  Realizing that is a treasure.  I’m praying you will be able to accept the sacrifice Jesus made for you on the Cross – He has already deemed you worthy and valuable.  YOU are His treasure! ❤

Jennifer 🙂

seven about love: #5

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You know this verse like this: “perfect love casts out fear”, but it’s nice to read it in a different translation, so we can let it fall fresh on our spirits.

“God is love,
and the man whose life is lived in love does, in fact, live in God, and God does, in fact, live in Him.
So our love for Him grows more and more,
filling us with complete confidence for the day when he shall judge all men—
for we realize that our life in this world is actually His life lived in us.
Love contains no fear
indeed fully-developed love expels every particle of fear,
for fear always contains some of the torture of feeling guilty.
This means that the man who lives in fear has not yet had his love perfected.”
1 John 4:18 Phillips

perfect-love-casts-out-fear

I love this phrase: “we realize that our life in this world is actually His life lived in us”. Wow! What kind of pressure does that take off of you? Your responsibility is to be obedient in the call of God on your life. Your responsibility is to walk in love toward all people. Your responsibility is to demonstrate the love of God shed abroad in your heart. Your responsibility is to be a child of God. (Breathe in a big sigh of relief – you can do that!)

Is there anything you can’t conquer with God on your side? Do your best and leave the results up to Him – it’s His life anyway! Stay in your pajamas and leave the make-up off for a few more minutes this morning – get comfortable and tell the Lord your dreams. Even better – let Him tell you His!

Releasing yourself from responsibilities that don’t belong to you, that’s a treasure.  Let me put it another way: firing yourself from God’s job and just being His child (insert huge sigh of relief here!), that’s the best!  Praying you’ll be able to just be His today ❤

Jennifer 🙂

Jenn

seven about love: #3

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“Since then it is by faith that we are justified,
let us grasp the fact that we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have confidently entered into this new relationship of grace,
and here we take our stand,
in happy certainty of the glorious things He has for us in the future.
This doesn’t mean, of course, that we have only a hope of future joys—
we can be full of joy here and now even in our trials and troubles.
Taken in the right spirit these very things will give us patient endurance;
this in turn will develop a mature character,
and a character of this sort produces a steady hope,
a hope that will never disappoint us.
Already we have some experience of the love of God flooding through our hearts
by the Holy Spirit given to us.”
Romans 5:2-5 Phillips

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Grasp the fact that you have peace with God! Our circumstances do not determine God’s character: God is good, no matter what we may be facing. Praise Him that we do not face this world alone. This passage assures us that we can have joy. Can indicates to us that there is a choice – so choose joy! If you want joy, it is available to you in the presence of God. In God’s presence, you’ll have love, joy, peace – and that’s just the beginning.

Of course, Paul tells us, we will have trials and troubles. However, never misunderstand and think that hard times are a reflection of God’s love. There are just hard times. God will use those times to build in your a mature character and strength…. But you know what? He can make us stronger every single day if we allow Him intimate access to our hearts. Some situation (or person, let’s be honest) drove you INTO your prayer closet – do not allow the relief of that hardship to drive you OUT of your prayer closet. Give it all to the Lord, both good and bad. You CAN be FULL of JOY!

Holding on to the steady hope He offers to us, being at home in His love, experiencing the love of God flooding into our hearts – is there anything better? (no, there isn’t!)

Steady love, not changing with the emotions or event of the day – that’s a treasure.  Praying you bask in that kind of love today! ❤

Jennifer 🙂

seven about love: #2 :)

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1 John 15:9-10 in the Message translation:

“I’ve loved you the way my Father has loved me.
Make yourselves at home in my love.
If you keep my commands, you’ll remain intimately at home in my love.
That’s what I’ve done—
kept my Father’s commands and made myself at home in His love.
I’ve told you these things for a purpose:
that My joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature.”

When we are at home, we behave differently than we do when we are out. Make-up is off, hair is up in a messy bun, the most comfortable pajamas or sweats are on. No pretense, no need to pretend, no need to be anything but comfortable. Safe and secure. Happy and content. That’s how Jesus means for us to feel in His presence: at home! Wherever you are right now,  take a quick break from responsibilities and worries of life, let Jesus be your home. Rest in His love. You are His greatest treasure, dear child of God.

Because Jesus is always with us, we can always have this feeling of contentment and security in His love.  Please understand that your circumstances do not have to alter your emotions.  There have been moments or days or even long seasons in my life where times were hard – but the presence of Christ, if I turned to Him, was able to bring peace and security.  Find time every day to be at home with the Lord, rest in His love.  The more time you spend with Him, the more peace and contentment you will experience.  The more time you spend with Him, the less you will be affected emotionally by your circumstances.

Come to Him, messy bun, no make up, favorite sweats and all. Realizing that you belong, and feeling at home in the presence of Christ – that’s a treasure!  ❤

praying you find contentment in His love, and make yourself at home with Jesus today!

Jennifer 🙂